The Power of Self Talk

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What you say to yourself is what matters the MOST. I learned that at a very young age.

My life was less than perfect. The first few years of my life were not that great. When I was 2 I became a big sister. My sister Leanne was born and when she was 1 the doctors had discovered that she had epilepsy that damaged the speech part of her brain and she was autistic. The man I believed to be my father wanted nothing to do with her. As his hatred for my sister grew, his twisted love for me grew stronger and he began touching me and told me not to tell my mom because she wouldn’t understand the love he had for me. It was then that I knew at the age of 4 that I had a choice and it wasn’t what he said to me that mattered it was the fact I was telling myself it was wrong that did. I chose to tell my mom what he had done and that began her struggles as a single mom.

Once he left, my mom had to live on assistance and chose to be a stay at home mom to take care of my sister and I. We didn’t have the best clothes, shoes, or toys but my moms love for us made up for all of that. When I was in second grade I was made fun of for my welfare glasses and K-mart clothes and used to cry at night because I felt no one liked me and everyone made fun of me. One night my mom heard me and she came in. I told her what was happening and she said to me “Honey, sticks and stones might break your bones, but names will never hurt you”. I remember going to school and when little Steven was calling me four eyes, I turned to him and said “sticks and stones may break my bones but name will NEVER hurt me” and I stuck out my tongue and walked away. He was shocked and from that point on he stopped picking on me. It was then, that I knew I had the POWER over me and not anyone else.

I would constantly tell myself I can do anything and BE ANYTHING as long as I put my mind to it. What we say to ourselves is the MOST important thing. If I believed the words of others from when I was little to now, I would not be where I am today. Its so important to instill in our youth that the words of others have no meaning unless you give it meaning. Our Self-Talk has much greater POWER than anyone’s words.

Believe in yourself, love yourself, tell yourself that your beautiful, you can do anything, you can be anything and watch how fast your life transforms.

If you can envision it, you can achieve it.

Positive self talk leads to a life of happiness and love.

 

 

 

 

Embrace The “BAD” Days

It’s Monday and you overslept. As you rush out of bed you stub your toe and you scream and think to yourself “what else is going to go wrong today”. Without even realizing it, you’ve already set the negative tone for the day.

You finally make it to school and you are already feeling anxious for being late. You rush to class, then you realize rushing out the door you forgot your essay that was sitting next to your binder and its worth 40% of your grade. Now what?

You start to break down inside, the overwhelming feeling of self disappointment and fear sets it. The teacher asks everyone to hand in their essay. You tell the teacher what happened in the morning and he says “well, who’s fault is it? You’ll have to take a zero”. You plead with him to bring it in the next day for partial credit and he tells you “NO”. What’s going through your mind?

Our first defense is to blame the events that led us to fail. You blame your parents for not waking you up sooner, you blame the stupid alarm for not going off, you even blame the bed for being in the way and stubbing your toe. If only your mom woke you up sooner you wouldn’t have rushed out of bed and stubbed your toe, you wouldn’t have been rushing and forgot your essay. Right?

Sure you overslept and are running late. Sure it hurt like hell when you stubbed your toe. Sure you forgot your essay. However, that happened in the first 60 minutes of your day. You’ve got about 840 more minutes to your day left. Are you going to waste them on feeling like you failed?

So you woke up late. Don’t look at the negative,  embrace the fact that your body and mind needed the extra rest. You stubbed your toe but it didn’t break. Be thankful. You left your essay at home because you didn’t put it in your bag when you finished it. There is a lesson in that. When your finished with your work put it in your bag or binder. So the day isn’t ruined you actually learned something.

As hard as it might be, one thing I learned is, when we take responsibility for the events that happen in our life we are able to move forward without feeling negative.

Embrace the bad days and learn from them. Each day is a new day and you never know if tomorrow is coming. Take time to reflect on the daily events, find a good in the day and focus on that.

After all

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Why Narcissist People Can Be Toxic To Your Health

E587C48F-D982-47E2-8683-D4B1B98616EB.jpegAt some point in your life, whether you realize it or not, you have been surrounded by a narcissist. Whether it’s a past or present relationship, friendship, work colleague or family member, I can guarantee at some point you have dealt with a narcissist. Whatever the case may be, when it comes to dealing with a narcissist, it can be exhausting and draining.

Toxic Health Risks:

Abuse
Anxiety
Chronic Self-Blame
Depression
Fear
Insomnia
Lack of Self-Worth
Loss/Increased Appetite
PTSD
Weight Loss/Gain

Lucky for all of us, narcissistic people come in all genders and race.

For those of you still confused whether you’ve been exposed to narcissism or not ask yourself this one question… At any point have you ever felt that your opinion or feelings were disregarded? That the person you were talking to was too fixated on their feelings and made their opinions the only ones that mattered? If you have, chances are you’ve been exposed to the toxicity of a narcissist.

Once you’ve been exposed, buckle up because it’s a bumpy ride and depending on the type of relationship, you could be invited to ride the non-stop rollercoaster of emotions. Don’t worry though, not all of the emotions are negative, you will experience peaks of positive ones. However, like all rollercoasters there are more drops, twists and turns than there are peaks. So you must proceed with caution.

Narcissists are unable to see the good and bad qualities in others simultaneously and accept that both exist. They either see you as special and perfect like them or worthless and flawed in which they cannot associate with. Therefore, they rarely accept blame for their actions as it shows a sign of being flawed and worthless.

The narcissist’s perception of you will depend on how they feel in the moment and rarely have anything to do with you personally. When you reach the next peak on your ride we call this happiness, but take it at face value, as it is only temporary and fragile. It is vulnerable to being disrupted unexpectedly. Narcissists are extremely hypersensitive and unable to maintain a stable, positive image of you when they feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or frustrated by you causing your coaster to flip upside down. The moment the narcissist feels slightly negative towards you, anything you shared positively is completely disregarded, as if it never existed.

Narcissists have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships as they have a superior need for power and recognition and will not tolerate anything less. Narcissists are jealous people who seek constant praise and positive reinforcement from others. They are incapable of loving unconditionally. In order to gain love from a narcissist you must be willing to adhere to any conditions they demand.

Once a narcissist has your commitment, this is when your roller coaster takes a sharp turn down the spiral track and the true colors of the narcissist will begin to emerge and narcissistic abuse begins. It begins with belittling comments, ignoring behavior, adultery, and, at times, physical abuse. Their feelings of inadequacy are projected onto you. If the narcissistic person is feeling unattractive they will belittle your appearance. If the narcissist makes an error, this error becomes your fault. Narcissists also engage in manipulative abuse by giving subtle hints and comments that result in you questioning your own behavior and thoughts. Another common abusive tactic is public humiliation, when the narcissist says something seemingly innocent but offensive to you and enjoys the emotional reaction you give. Any slight criticism of the narcissist, whether actual or perceived, often triggers narcissistic rage and full-blown annihilation from the narcissistic person. This can range from a screaming tirades or silent treatment. Narcissists do not take responsibility for relationship difficulties and exhibit no feelings of remorse. Instead they believe themselves to be the victim in the relationship as you failed to meet their expectations.